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Friday
May292015

I feel like a failure

I feel like a complete failure. 

After everything I've tried over the past several years, it seems that diabetes is winning again.  It's my fault, really.  I was so intent on getting off the medications I was taking, that I didn't even fathom something else could happen to make it all worse!  So, with that, I'm back on the medication. I'm not okay with it yet, but I will be soon.

We all spend so much time trying to be happy, and when something is difficult or wrong, it feels REALLY wrong, possibly even like a failure.  What I forget sometimes, is that being happy all the time isn't possible, and experiencing difficulty is inevitable. No matter how happy you are, you still experience difficulty, it's how you handle it that is important.  I don't always handle it well.

Right now, I'm mad, I'm sad and I feel like a failure. I worked so hard to get to where I am, only to suddenly take 3 steps back.  In the back of my mind though, I also feel a freedom. This is the moment I have the opportunity to make the choice to fix it.  Rather than running away from it, like I feel like I've been doing the past few months, I now have the opportunity to use this sadness, this anger, to fix it.  To not run from it, to fix it.

I'm back on the journey I was on a few years ago.  A journey for myself, of myself, by myself. I want to be free again.

I will be. 

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